The not so organised housewife…
I get so many “Ask Rayne” questions on how I juggle everything and quite honestly, it is one question that I avoid answering like the plague.
I don’t know why this is. Perhaps I don’t know how I do it or perhaps its something that if I actually stood back and looked in on myself I would be quite scared and judgemental of what I saw.
I see it all over social media. These perfect mums with perfect houses and well organised offices, toy rooms and linen cupboards. All their kid’s belongings are well labelled with cute little personalised stickers and personalised backpacks. They never leave the house without a drink bottle for each child, a change of clothes or snacks.
Well it’s confession time. This is so NOT me. I’m the mother that tidies a room only at the end of the day. I have shit everywhere in my office (I’m dealing with this at the moment, don’t take this as a tip) I only ever leave the house with one drink bottle to share. A change of clothes is only available if the pram happens to be in the car. My idea of labelling is still via a permanent marker and the idea of spending my Sunday preparing and freezing food for the week is like asking me to wear a pair of crocs, its just not going to happen. I don’t need a nappy bag because a nappy and wipes fit perfectly well into my handbag, most of the time.
I had a little meditation last night and asked for some guidance on how to explain this harrowing question to my readers. What I got is a whole lot of insight. Some of which was really scary and wasn’t so great and other bits where I can say yeah, well done Rayne, you may not have it together all of the time but mostly you’re doing great.
As much as I find it hard to stand back and look in on myself, usually with a critical eye, it robs me of the opportunity to look in and give myself a pat on the back. Something we don’t do often enough.
There are many factors that contribute to this crazy but fulfilling life that I lead and if I was to write it all in one post you would have at least a novel.
One goal that I try to achieve everyday is to live in the moment. This can mean many things but in a nutshell, to me it means being present. I would ask myself a million times a day, especially when I am time poor “is this really important”. And the simple answer a lot of the time is no. If stuffing around trying to be perfectly organised cuts into my time with the kids then I’m happy to let it go.
If you want to work, have kids, or are generally a busy person then this is the key question “is it really important”. Is it really important that I remember the 2 plastic spoons’, one to feed my child and one for them to play with, or is the teaspoon at the café ok to use? Is it really that terrible if I forget a change of clothes and my kids get wet? What’s a car ride home in their undies or a nappy anyway! What about if I forget to pack a full lunch box just in case my kids get hungry? Bad mother? Do kids really need food shoved in their mouth every second of the day?
I’m not trying to have a crack here, I am merely pointing out the little things that mum’s like me are no good at or perhaps a little jealous of other mums who do remember these things. Maybe I want to be more like them, and yes, what is important to one mum can be completely different to another mum. There is no right or wrong answer here but all I’m saying is that in my life, things like this are not important. Worrying about these minor things can seriously take up way too much of my time and for me, there is no good reason for it to.
I have come to the revelation that you can be present in your life as well as being super organised. I am somewhere in between.
I am the first to admit that I am not the most organised mother in the world, in fact, I’m pretty crap at being what most people would call traditionally organised.
I tend to be more of a hard leaner. Once one dance class has been missed, it won’t happen again! Not the best example I know, but I’m being honest.
What I am good at is making decisions in the moment. I’m good at improvising. I’m good at just working it out. At times (ok there have been many) I have thought you bad mum, why haven’t you done that, why didn’t you remember that! Only to realise that it’s not that bad, your kids are resilient, they will cope, did you even know that your baby can drink water through a straw! That’s what you get for being out at a café with no ‘sippy cup’.
Being able to make good decisions in the moment has brought me to where I am today. I’m not saying I am the most perfect mother in the world, actually far from it, but what I am saying is that if we can remove all of the unnecessary bullshit we might actually find that we are doing a fantastic job, without all the distractions and pressure to be perfect.
All that our kids really need is love, understanding and above all, our undivided attention. The rest is just made up stuff that we put pressure on ourselves to do and generally waste a lot of time doing.
Do what’s important for your kids, do what’s important for you and what ever is important to everyone else is usually something that you can leave for another day.
Remember the ask yourself test “is this really important”? And remember, what’s important to one person might be completely different to another and that’s perfectly OK.
Are there little unorganised mummy things you beat yourself up about?
What’s something that you worry about that you could try and let go of?
These gorgeous pictures are by Katy Monkman of Monk Photography. Email me if you want the opportunity to get some of your own.